Dear Queen Rania

Dear Queen Rania,

Mirror mirror on the fake wall. Who's the fairest Queen, of them all? You know the answer really well don't you? Wink!

Hint: It's yellow, and monkeys eat it, and she rules Qatar. Winkwink! 

Fact: I love you, she IS the replica! ;)

Now, enough flirting or I'll go to jail for reals this time. Hello beautiful! :) Last time, I promise. Abood, hold your "horses". No need to call your mokafa7a/mokhabarat/whatever ze hell you call to defend Rania. I come in peace!

The tone is of course different, when speaking to the most beautiful person to ever co-rule a country, as shitty as it may be of course, the country, the person, is awesome. Fuck off Mokhabarat!

نسر واحد - تحسين سبعه - سكر المتصفح الآن، وحرك الفأره نحو زر الإغلاق، ومن ثم، اكبس الكبسه يا زم و سيبنا منكو.. أنا و رانيا صحاب أصلاً.. 

Now, my lovely Queen.. 

I'm not writing you to serve a political purpose, or, to convey any "logical" point, because, let's face it, we both know that everything is happening for reasons, that for all intents and purposes, are well beyond our direct control. I am actually writing you, to confide in you, in public, as to what went wrong in most of my relationships with the honourable members of your gender, so that you may read my story, as I read a couple of yours, on your website, and, well, at least, to let you know that us men, for the most part, are truly victims, of your indeed, great, "plotting". 

First, I know you women plot in good faith. And, you also lie in good faith. So, don't feel sad, my Queen, that you had to lie to Abood a couple (million) of times, or tell him "incomplete" truths, or, make him want to punch 500 babies and then burn them in a pit of royal fire when you were dating him, or yesterday at lunch.

If I knowAbood, and I think I do, he was probably undercover when you two were dating I guess, just another "transfer" student or something, this is how the game works I think, because, let's face it, if you knew he was a "prince", or "king", it wouldn't be fair game, now would it? 

So yeah, you both probably lied to each other in the beginning of your lives, and, well, I'm guessing you're past that now. This is cool. Your life, trust you me, was much simpler back then. How do I know? Well, I lived my own life. And, without meaning to sound too cocky, but, seriously, I heavily doubt that things were harder back then, especially if you were of royal descent. Allahoma la 7asad! Aw 7asad, mesh mohem. 

But, now, let me tell you my real problem with women. They, in 2013, somehow, managed to make themselves believe they actually do know it all. They think, they hold the keys to heaven, the keys to the future, the keys to good business relationships, the key to good fortune, the key to good style, the key to good health, etc.. You get the drift. You guys, or, well, your gender, and you included probably, thinks they hold all the keys. That's your one big fail. 

And then, because we feel betrayed by your needless plotting, we, as men, feel that we need to counter it with an opposite reaction with equal stupidity. Infinite loop. First Apple reference, you Apply worker you!

But seriously. You do not have all the keys. No one should have all the keys. Why? 

Very simple. If the female gender actually thinks they have all the keys and secrets to life, and, they continue believing every story they hear without ever investigating for themselves, then, by default, your life with your male partner, will not be that of freedom, spontaneity, partnership and equality, but, instead, it will be a life of, bullshitting, and, plotting, all the time, to get your way, and, then when you do actually get your way, it turns out, that your way was the most wrong way, and end up hurting most of those involved in the plot anyway, and then you feel bad, and, you probably won't say sorry, but deny it ever happened, and the downwards spiral continues.. Sad sad life, indeed.

Now, why does this happen, not only in Jordan I'm sure, but more intensely in Jordan I feel, because, well, for all intents and purposes, and please, do not take this "too" personal, but, whether you and I like it or not, we are: 

A society with no moral code, no ethics, no real "parents", no real "life".. just some scripted set of events, not by our creator, but by our "influential" families, who made us fear everything, and everyone, to the point where we felt we had to install speed bumps on highways, and reduce speed limits to three times the limits they should be at, and we banned weed, even though, science all over the place speaks very highly of its benefits, not only to cancer patients going through chemo, but, to everyone, healthy ones even more than unhealthy ones. It is, after all, natural, and THC, after all, is often referred to as God's signature, at least in the midst of the pot-head community, which for legal purposes, I am bound to say that I do not belong to! Wink.

But, you already know that, right? You are trying to change it, involving yourself in women work, education, and so forth. All I ask of you, is not to empower woman to the point where they think they are truly masterminds, you guys are cool, you know your "plot", and you act very well, and, well, you hardly ever break character, but, for the love of all that is holy, and 1001 women in bikinis in Tala Bay, we also, have some keys we hold, we also, have a right to defend ourselves, and, live freely, and, not suffer injustice upon your beautiful hands!

Seriously my Queen.. 

Most injustice I have ever suffered was at the hands of women that "loved" me.

They felt, all of them, with no exception whatsoever, that I was "work in progress", and that they knew what's best for me. They were all my mothers, and not my lovers. I don't know why is that to be honest. Is it because I'm too crazy? So what? Abood is too crazy, and you love him for who he is, right? I mean, you let him be King, so I'm guessing you did accept him for what he was, or what he pretended he was, to win your heart, as an ordinary man, and then surprise you: Oh, me love, forgot to tell you: I'm actually a fucking prince! Yep, wink. Monarchy, and shit! You probably slapped him or something, because, well, he lied to you, and, that hurt. 

Yes, by the way, lying, and the continuation of aforementioned act of lying, and not breaking character, and not confessing, hurts us WAY more than the deed itself. At least, that's what it does with me. No friendship, nor relationship, is ever "properly" built on bullshit and lies, I think. None, whatsoever.

Now, I want your advice, because, you are indeed, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I even added your picture to my photo stream. To be displayed on my Apple Tv. A cool picture too. I don't think you remember it even. Internet for the win! And, so is Apple, but you know that, you little Apple freak you ;)

Seriously though. What the hell? What do you think I should do with those who want to control my life, especially those, that I know, deep down, are quite simple, honest, and innocent, but for some bloody reason, when I'm involved in their "plots" or "formulas", things seem to get a bit complicated, and, like a volcano erupting in the middle of the dead sea, an explosion is heard, in form of: Lies, manipulation, even resorting to police and drug enforcement agencies, to lock me up, simply, because, THEY think, that, I need help. See the problem? 180 degrees, if not, 15500 thousand degrees of injustice. These are your women, to whom, you are an idol. 

Advise me on how to cope, and/or, advise them how to change. Your call, my lovely Queen. I only used the minimal amount of curse words I am legally allowed to use, because, I wholeheartedly respect you, because, like me, I think you are secretly an insane driver, who just wants to go insane without having Abood's men making sure you're "okay". Yes, I know how much that hurts too. Trust me! 

And, your kids? I think they're older than 40 year olds at their current age. They, after all, have you and Abood for parents. You suck. There, I said it on their behalf too. 

Now, I shall end, with Madonna's words of wisdom. Girls, just wanna have fun. So does boys, my Queen, but, not at the expense of each other's freedoms, minds, and, well, never, at the expense of complete honesty between couples, or even friends. 

I could live with all lies, but, living with the lies of the woman I loved more than my own self, was just the feather that broke the camel itself. The whole camel. Really. 

I love you my Queen, and keep giving Abood hell, he sure did us the same favor! ;)

Peace,