Your "Majesty" - Extra words just for my long lost friend, King, Abdallah II, of Jordan.

Your majesty,

Now, I have your attention. 

How do I know that? Well, let's face it. I am probably considered a red flag all over your intelligence "airwaves". If this is the correct terminology. 

Cursing you, to them, is a red alert, because, in my opinion, they don't want you to know that your people, most of them anyway, are in fact, living a shitty life. 

I always liked you. Seriously. You are good looking, and, well, for fuck's sake, you are a king. I always wanted to be friends with a king, to be honest. 

But, I started thinking. Why is this king, that I once liked, allowing his government to censor free press? While, he goes out and does an awesome interview with Jon Stewart? And does king contests? Why do u even need one, I bet her majesty tells you that she loves you all the time. You are, after all, the true king of her heart. Royal wink. Winky, wink.

So, yeah. Why is this king, who seems like a nice guy, is doing all of this?

I know. I bet it's because of his own "Board of directors" - Refer to my CEO post to fully grasp what I'm talking about, if your majesty should so please.

I will speak to you now, like I did with my own family, Iraqi Ambassador, and Israel, with complete freedom, and I will also imagine your family and mine as friends. Since it is, after all, my blog, and my opinion, and of royal blood or not, we are all equal on the digital sphere, or in my mind. I will also beat you in all games you play, I bet. All king and no play? Makes kingy a bored king, probably. 

I don't like to play Golf. Movies dictate that if you are a Monarch, you should play golf. Why is that? It's boring, I think. I personally do computers games. Any of you princes up for some counter-strike? Call of duty? You better be up for the challenge. I will not care if you are a prince. Or a princess. They play games too, I guess?

Also, Rania, my Queen, I stand by what I said. You are indeed awesome, because I am man, and I like beautiful women. You are one. Plus, you were funny on Youtube. Wallahi. Just, be more free. Less relying on "social media experts" - We are all social media experts. How? I shall explain. In bullet points. Because that's how I roll.

1. We are, people, and by nature, we talk to other people.
2. The activity, in which people talk to other people, is considered, to a certain degree of certainty, "being social".
3. Then, Mark stole my idea and did Facebook. I forgave him. Now, we have "Media".
4. Media, is a medium. Not a science, right?
5. Now, we deduct, based on this logic: If you know how to talk, with other people, and, you know how to create a Facebook account, or a twitter account, you, are, a social media person.
6. Behold. Best for last. Spend one afternoon in the streets of Amman, while bargaining for a product that is cheap to begin with, but you bargain because, well, you are an asshole, and you.. ARE A SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERT! 

See? Magic. Bloody hell. How do Monarchs curse anyway? You'll tell me later. I hope. In prison. Bring cigarettes. The "royal" kind. Wink!

Ok, that's about all the nice talk I'm going to do now. Let's get serious for a second. You royal family might have some free time, but I, on the other hand, I'm dodging bullets left and right. Not literally of course, because I think you secretly like me for cursing you. 

Now, my King. 

Why did your lost friend curse you? Simple. Any alert, is good for a king. I know so, because I also proclaimed myself to be king, of my 100sqm apartment, which I will not give you address for, because, I still don't know if you love me or want to kill me. And don't call your "Mukhabarat" - that's cheating. Give me your phone number and I will give you the directions myself. Or email me, because I actually lost my phone. In my car. Which I hit. Long story. 

Anyways, serious talk. Have you looked at your parliament recently? Seriously, like watched an entire session? Take your pick. Just watch one. You'll understand why, we're all doomed. Them fellas don't even know how to listen. They fight, and they carry guns. TO THE HOUSE OF PARLIAMENT. That's not cool, bro. Can I call you bro? I'm tired of cursing you to be honest. Or too afraid. I don't know. 

Take over, Aboodi. Take over. Your people need you. I am Iraqi after all. I loved you man, and your wife, too, "platonically", of course. 

And give us free water, bloody hell man, it's 2013, and it's hot, and we have to shower. Not fair. Also, electricity? Sup with that? I paid 100 without opening one air condition. And, I'm single. And, I live in Um il Summaq. Whats up? How about the wind? I met one guy once, he told me that if I get him a tube, and a bulb, he could get electricity to light an entire neighbourhood. He was from palestine. I met him at the dead sea, where I take my usual drives, to get out of the Ammani bullshit. 

Of course, the fuck? He was probably high. I'm not at the moment. Because I will not give you more reasons to put me in prison. Get some guys who know the ways of the "tube, the bulb, and the wind". I honestly don't know what that means. He sounded serious though, and, my phone was out of charge. Find your own tube expert, please.

Also, call the Arab Bank. They went insane. They really did. They not only went against logic, but against human rights as a whole. And, they took my money! I am, because of the Arab Bank, out of KFC for 3 weeks now, or so. And, I need my KFC or I get really pissed. That's probably why I cursed you to begin with. I, legally, blame the Arab Bank, those assholes.

I love your country, and "some" of the people in it, but someone had to do it man, someone had to stand up to you, and your, quite frankly, idiocy in trusting people with "knowledge". 

See their results, don't hear their promises. They are trained to talk. They are trained to bullshit. My own family? Bullshitted me for 22 years. Im 27. It's okay, we all get bullshitted, it's how we deal with bullshit once we discover it, is what counts. I believe. 

Now, I cursed you, this means we are friends, by rule of the "street". Seriously. I curse my friends all the time. Let's curse each other in person. I will sue you, and you will buy me a car, and we will call it even, because, I hit my car, and you have a lot of money. 

Peace, dawg.

PS: Make it expensive.
PPS: This is written in shitty english, because, let's face it, when was the last time, a regular person, talked to you like a regular person? And, you don't scare me!

Perhaps just a little bit.

Also, this is a video that shows me in action. I fear no one I tell you. Except when they have real guns. Real guns suck anyway, my guns load in one button. I win!