Dear Mr. "Deejay"

Dear Mr. Deejay,

Keep playing this song for me. 

I recently figured out how to be a "song" maker. It's not that hard it seems, you just have to know the ways of the scale. Easy really. But you know that, you are a deejay after all. This is a fictional story, that may, somehow, become real. But we all know, that reality is truly in the aftermath. This is a letter to you, and the world. I tried to speak it a lot of times because I know how much you don't like reading a lot, but I guess I have to do what I have to do, and you have to do what you have to do. That's the headline, and the first sentences probably contains everything I have to say. Read on if you wish, but I wish to write, and write I will.

During the past 10 months or so, I have tried my best to keep my mouth shut and listen to everyone, and everything. I have tried to get back to what made me happy as a child, be it music, gaming, and a relaxed environment. I have tried to be alone and to make mistakes, and be able to learn from these mistakes at my own learning pace. I tried to get away, not because I wanted to run away forever, but because I found that in order for me to be the person everyone wants to me be, I have to at least get to know myself first. So I chose to be alone, for a weekend. 

I had my car, coffee, and some food, and was very happy. I drove my car and went wherever it felt right. I listened to music and sang out loud. I ran out of gas and that was "cool". I hitchhiked a ride on a truck and had an amazing conversation with an amazing person. A person that drove when he had to, relaxed when he wanted to, and was free to be himself and nothing but. A person that believed in a higher power, a one God that will reward him when reward was due, and punish him when punishment was deserved. He was happy, and he made me happy. I told him my story in the simplicity that I'm still beginning to learn. I told him that I ran away wearing just my clothes, driving my car, and having only what was in my wallet and inside my vehicle. He smiled and said that if you felt that you needed to do this then you must be doing the right thing. After our short ride was over, he wished me all the best and I felt like inviting him to my hotel room. I felt like I knew him all my life. I probably did, because since I too believe in one God, and that we are all connected somehow, this might be true for him and everyone and everything else that lives, breathes, and drinks.

I rushed into my hotel room in hopes that I would somehow find you on your way, a dream perhaps, but I was excited like a newborn baby given all his favorite things in one day. The only missing piece was you. I was consumed in my own happiness that I missed your misery. I didn't see that you are consumed by all the hate and complete injustice of the fast paced world we live in. You were stuck in your office because a "monkey", a helpless creature that is probably more scared of the world than the world is scared of him, drove panic and dismay all over your ordinary, fast paced environment. A creature of God, a comedian really, was regarded as a red alert across your entire building. Ironic, since as you were telling me the story I was smiling, I was smiling because on the other side of the speaker were full grown people, God's chosen creatures to build this earth, scared shitless of a monkey. You probably relate the monkey to your childhood experience, but what was so cruel about a monkey holding your hand too hard and not wanting to let go? Isn't that similar to what I'm doing now, trying to do everything in my power to hold your hands tight and not let you go? Isn't it possible that this monkey wasn't trying to hurt you, but somehow fell in love with you? Isn't possible that love doesn't happen for a reason, it just happens because it is within our own programming as people of God? Can't the monkey, too, see beauty and want to be around it? Isn't that your bible as a messenger of beauty?

That's probably a crime in our world. To love without reason. It's most likely not your fault that you are afraid of a monkey. It's probably the fault of all of the grown up people around you who made a big deal about a monkey holding your hand too tight. You probably took their fear of this monkey as your base, since after all, you were a child. Or, you were afraid by yourself and there was no one around you to smile and explain that the monkey just loves you, so try to pet his head. It's true, the monkey will get excited and might do something stupid (much like people?) but then again, we have synced monkeys, and in fact, most animals to our own frequency. Our own fast beat. Because somehow, our jobs are too important, money is too important, and we always have something to prove to others. 

You were upset because I told you that I don't want to talk business on this one day off that I took against the wishes of everyone I know, the one day I paid "almost" all the money I have for. You were upset because you wanted to show me your presentation, and using your own words, to "prove" to me that you are awesome at "business". 

Why did I even tell you about the business if I didn't believe that you could use it? or in fact, excel in it? Why do I keep telling you that you can do everything you want to do, with or without me? Do I do that because I somehow need validation that I was right? I don't care if I'm right or not. That's the point. However, if I was indeed right, I will be happy, really happy, if I taught you something and you chose to use it for your own good or even for the general good. My best teachers in life didn't get paid for what they taught me. Your happiness, your smile, and knowing that I was a part in helping you relieve some of the pains you receive from all ends in your every day life, is more than enough compensation for me. And on top of that, I even have a God that told me that one good deed in his name equals ten better ones. What more could I ask? You saying I was right? With all due respect my love, you telling me I'm right isn't as important as me doing what I feel is right, as long as that I'm following the very basic rules set by the supreme power that created your world to begin with. 

To continue with my "weekend", I was almost forced out of the hotel because I made a mistake in calculating the nights. I had no cash, and a few cards that I didn't know exactly how much was in them. I somehow didn't care. I had a belief that "inshallah khair" - a word that is overused and I believe it is used in the wrong context. It is used, even by myself at times, as an order to the supreme power, but shouldn't every reaction be preceded by an action? Any action? I took that action. I went out and asked people for help. I told them my story as you were fighting for your survival from the vicious monkey and the building you work in. I understood. In fact, I felt terrible that I was away while you were having such a hard time. I felt I needed to come back.

Well, dear, I'm not only back, but I'm back for good. This means, that your "training", for me, perhaps against your own will, will be turned against you, and all that you stand for. The bro code, has been cheated by you, to serve your own interests. I understand. You did what you had to do, and you will be free from duty I suppose. But, you will not free from what I will do next, not as vengeance, because that's not the way, but as the balance, because that's always the way. 

This is not a warning. My warnings were to those closest to me. They didn't listen. I wonder why. 

Actually, I don't. I just wonder why they weren't afraid. Because, naturally, if you train a person to escape from a prison, he will escape from all prisons. They are all alike, different rules, same basics. And, your biggest mistake, if you would like to know, is leaving me in the dark and expecting me to remain there until you show me the way. 

Why? Why did you think so? I will take it as an offence. I will take it, as an understatement of my own mind. I do not tolerate that very well. You already have seen some "bursts", if you will. 

That's alright. We do not blame. We are free. We were born this way, free, and we love it. I was born, chained. And, I was chained by those closest to me, because, it seems they had no choice. However, they did. They could have freed me when it was the time. But, they forgot the very basic rule: Free men decide their own time. They decide. When it's decided for them, they will feel rather "shitty". And, well, that's not cool.

The time, for me, has passed, you made me go to the point of no return. I have no regrets, because, well, let's face it, you had it coming, because you didn't listen. I, however, did. I listened. And, unlike you, I took matters into my own hands, because, it's really fun. You should try it sometime. Again. You'll have to I suppose. 

This is not goodbye. I love you too much to let you go. This, letter of course, is my own way of giving my own self, my well, well deserved vacation. Your hands may have applauded the wrong people, by design, but I usually applaud myself. 

Clap. Clap. Clap.

"Peace", out.